I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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