hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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