If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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