You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Terrible idea I love it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
