WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
