I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
