Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
