Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
