it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
