so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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