once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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