I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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