I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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