This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
