I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
