she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
