He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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