This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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