After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
