omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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