yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
