You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
