Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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