..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
