i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
