Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
