dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
