i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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