So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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