I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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