Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
