So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
