Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
