I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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