well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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