so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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