Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Can Purell be used as lube?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
