Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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