I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
