we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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