You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
