how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
