Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize