I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
