clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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