hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
