Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
