Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
