just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
