Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
