): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
