Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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